Dear editor:
My name is Mildred Ennis, and just the other day I caught my eldest son Eugene listening to the corrupting influences of rap music. Needless to say I was horrified. I just couldn’t figure out how this exposure could have happened! He attends a delightful Christian Academy and plays the oboe in his school’s wind ensemble. It wasn’t until yesterday, when I told our butler James to look through Eugene’s internet history, that I discovered your “Thug Fancy” site. After reading through all the content I became convinced that people like you, who glorify this despicable lifestyle, are responsible for the degeneration of traditional American family values. Let me make it quite clear that there is nothing “fancy” about the life of a thug. They are brutal, violent, low lives and I wouldn’t even be surprised to find out that they habitually smoke marijuana. There was once a young black boy who lived down the street from our servants’ quarters. He listened to rap music, and one time I suspect he broke into our house and stole our fine China dishware. The police said it was Eugene who sold it on eBay, but I know he wouldn’t do that. That young boy robbed us because of the rap he listened to. This is what rap does to our youth and I request that, for the good of society, you discontinue your “Thug Fancy” website magazine. If you do not comply, I will be forced to take serious action and report your website to the proper authorities.
Dear Mildred:
I request that, for the good of society, you do something more productive with your time than whine. Perhaps you could use that time to actually be a mother instead of having your butler do it. As the great Slim Shady once said, “you should have been watching him, apparently you ain't parents.” In fact it's a brilliant idea. You use your time to uphold the one responsibility you have, mothering, and we'll use our time arm the world with knowledge of the “Thug Life.”
You mentioned that rap contributes to and perpetuates the degeneration of traditional American values. The most traditional of the American values is the freedom of speech. You don't like our magazine? Good, stay away from it. You don't want your precious Eugene reading it? Fine, keep him away from it. But by trying to shut us down you are trying to shut down the values that make America the shining beacon of freedom throughout the world. Now you don't want that, do you?
So why don't you stick to what you know how to do? Be a housewife; let us be the straight thugs. We have a publication to run and can't be wasting our with every sad story of a mother who can't even be bothered to pay attention to her own child. I wish your son luck in his ensuing “thugification.” Look it up here
Sincerely,
M.C. Rost and The Thug Fancy Team